I remember being at Disneyland when I was a kid, and thinking to myself 'This is fun now, but by this time tomorrow I'll be in school again.' I'm not sure where, how, or why I picked up this habit, but it's always on my mind- where will I be in 24 hours exactly? 48? It's with this sort of unpleasant buzz-kill mentality that I've been counting down my time left here in Italy. Today it's been a pretty monotonous response in my head, since the answer to the question is going to be "on a plane," but I can't tell if that makes it easier or worse.
Sometimes when I think about going home, I think about what I want to do first: go to Target, go to the library, see my cats, eat Mexican food... and I know that when I get there these will all be comforting to me. I think about seeing movies in theaters, in English, and of getting coffee at Starbucks whenever I feel like it. Of being with my family, of navigating around town in my car, of knowing exactly where I am and understanding the language being spoken.
For better or for worse, I'm going back to normal.
While I'm doing all these things, in the back of my mind I'll be thinking 'This time last week I was laying on the beach reading Little Women for the first time,' or 'This time last week I was sitting down to the family dinner of pasta while watching cheesy Italian game shows.' Unfortunately, the game works both ways.
I had a mental breakdown before leaving Boise to go to Germany, and I had another when I left Germany to go to Italy. At the moment, I am not exactly breaking down... but instead sitting in a sort of melancholy stupor, too tired to panic.
24 hours from now I will be on a plane somewhere over the Eastern United States. 48 hours from now, I will have a fresh haircut and be heading to the fair. 72 hours from now I will be at church. 96 hours from now I will be babysitting, etc. etc. etc.
Back to life as usual.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Bullet Pointed Contemplations
I have been going over these lists in my head, which just goes to show how far bullet points truly have infiltrated my brain...
Things I will miss about Italy:
-laying on the beach reading
-play cards with Marco
-playing Wii with Luca
-playing volleyball with Neno
-Dimitry's sass
-fresh focaccia
-olive oil used in abundance
-treating time at the Mediterranean Sea like a normal, everyday thing
-having five cats and three dogs to pet and love
-learning new words every day
-Luca talking to me in Italian and expecting me to understand
-having cheap and ready access to travel to other countries that have different cultures and languages
Things I won't miss about Italy:
-having to shower just to get the sand off
-stores being closed for 2-3 hours in the middle of the day
-the Post Office closing after 1:30 in the afternoon
-ODing on pasta (it's good, but every day gets to be a little too much)
Things I am excited for about Boise:
-Target
-being with my family
-the familiarity of my hometown
-starting "real life"
-Shane Maxey whipping me into shape
-catching up with friends and their adventures
-stores being open every day of the week
-stores having reasonable hours of business
-renewing my Library card
-eating Mexican food
-eating at the Beanery
-getting involved at church
Things I am nervous for about Boise:
-making friends
-finding a job
-starting "real life"
Here's another object of contemplation:
Upon my return, I will no longer be an Au Pair (shocking, but true) and will thus have no need for a blog - especially one with a url that says "juliatheaupair."
While I obviously am lacking in motivation to post very often, I have enjoyed blogging as an outlet for creative writing. I was always proud of my writing abilities in high school, but once I got to college, I seldom used them (as most of my papers, after my freshman year, were research papers). When I was even a time in my life where I wanted to be a journalist, but for reasons I'm unable to remember I chose to study music (which was obviously the more practical and marketable choice of the two). I don't regret studying music, but I do miss writing.
I've also realized that during the course of this summer, and even the last couple months in Germany, I've read "for pleasure" for the first time in years (excepting Harry Potter, of course). I have read so many books (I just finished Sense & Sensibility this afternoon) and am so thirsty for more, but I'm afraid that returning to some semblance of "normal" life may make it difficult to continue reading with the speed and enthusiasm I've lately enjoyed.
So how do these two combine in marital harmony?
With a book blog, DUH.
I find that after I read a book, I become anxious to find somebody with which to share my thoughts and feelings on them that I can hardly contain myself. Then it occurred to me that, while my life in Boise will more likely than not be undeserving of a blog in itself, I could perhaps blog about the books I read. It will be a good opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings on the book, regardless of whether there's an audience or not, as well as sharpen my writing skills. Not to mention the greatest of possible reward will hopefully be some sort of reason and/or motivation to continue to read. And, if there does happen to be one or two of my friends who read the blog and have read the book I've written about, maybe we could start a discussion about - and as many of you know oh-so-well, I do love to discuss.
So there you have it. When the book blog is up, and this blog is ready to come to an end, I will post the new link.
Alles liebe,
~Julia~
Things I will miss about Italy:
-laying on the beach reading
-play cards with Marco
-playing Wii with Luca
-playing volleyball with Neno
-Dimitry's sass
-fresh focaccia
-olive oil used in abundance
-treating time at the Mediterranean Sea like a normal, everyday thing
-having five cats and three dogs to pet and love
-learning new words every day
-Luca talking to me in Italian and expecting me to understand
-having cheap and ready access to travel to other countries that have different cultures and languages
Things I won't miss about Italy:
-having to shower just to get the sand off
-stores being closed for 2-3 hours in the middle of the day
-the Post Office closing after 1:30 in the afternoon
-ODing on pasta (it's good, but every day gets to be a little too much)
Things I am excited for about Boise:
-Target
-being with my family
-the familiarity of my hometown
-starting "real life"
-Shane Maxey whipping me into shape
-catching up with friends and their adventures
-stores being open every day of the week
-stores having reasonable hours of business
-renewing my Library card
-eating Mexican food
-eating at the Beanery
-getting involved at church
Things I am nervous for about Boise:
-making friends
-finding a job
-starting "real life"
Here's another object of contemplation:
Upon my return, I will no longer be an Au Pair (shocking, but true) and will thus have no need for a blog - especially one with a url that says "juliatheaupair."
While I obviously am lacking in motivation to post very often, I have enjoyed blogging as an outlet for creative writing. I was always proud of my writing abilities in high school, but once I got to college, I seldom used them (as most of my papers, after my freshman year, were research papers). When I was even a time in my life where I wanted to be a journalist, but for reasons I'm unable to remember I chose to study music (which was obviously the more practical and marketable choice of the two). I don't regret studying music, but I do miss writing.
I've also realized that during the course of this summer, and even the last couple months in Germany, I've read "for pleasure" for the first time in years (excepting Harry Potter, of course). I have read so many books (I just finished Sense & Sensibility this afternoon) and am so thirsty for more, but I'm afraid that returning to some semblance of "normal" life may make it difficult to continue reading with the speed and enthusiasm I've lately enjoyed.
So how do these two combine in marital harmony?
With a book blog, DUH.
I find that after I read a book, I become anxious to find somebody with which to share my thoughts and feelings on them that I can hardly contain myself. Then it occurred to me that, while my life in Boise will more likely than not be undeserving of a blog in itself, I could perhaps blog about the books I read. It will be a good opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings on the book, regardless of whether there's an audience or not, as well as sharpen my writing skills. Not to mention the greatest of possible reward will hopefully be some sort of reason and/or motivation to continue to read. And, if there does happen to be one or two of my friends who read the blog and have read the book I've written about, maybe we could start a discussion about - and as many of you know oh-so-well, I do love to discuss.
So there you have it. When the book blog is up, and this blog is ready to come to an end, I will post the new link.
Alles liebe,
~Julia~
Thursday, August 5, 2010
the FINAL Final Countdown
*cue back to GOB and his magic dance*
Here we are, kids- only 19 days until I leave Italy and return home. I feel so stupid for only having posted TWICE in the last two months, but it would appear that I've just too much to do. So, for old times' sake, here is a bullet point update:
Past
-Rome and Florence were good, but HOT. We were in the middle of receiving a high pressure front from Africa, which meant that there was almost no relief from heat for a couple of weeks. You could sleep in your underwear without any covers and still have trouble getting to sleep from the heat. However, I did have a great time and was very glad to see two of Italy's most famous cities.
-While in Rome, I had to stand in line twice for St. Peter's Basilica (I was inappropriately dressed- tank tops are too revealing, even if it's 95 degrees and humid, so I went back with a scarf the next day) and waited in significant lines for both the Vatican Museum and the Colosseum. We stayed with our neighbors here in Villanova who live part-time in Rome, so it was nice to see a little bit of "normal" Roman life, as well :)
-In Florence, I made friends with a few girls in my hostel room and spent most of my time with a girl from Norway and a girl from New Zealand. I had been told that Florence was very small, but I was surprised to discover how truly tiny it really is. I saw all three David statues (the original, the duplicate standing in its original outdoor place, and the bronze triplicate overlooking the city). I managed to sneek two pictures of the original, despite the Camera Nazis running around saying "NO CAMERAS!" followed by bitter Italian mutterings under their breath.
-I went to Milan for two days and stayed with Cristina's cousin's daughter (first cousin once removed, if you will) who is my age. We went out with some of her friends the first night, and I bought a cocktail that cost me €10... which I of course didn't realize until after I received it. There aren't too many sites to see when you discount Prada, Gucci, and other super-mega design name stores, so one day was more than enough to see it.
-I spent a week in Sweden visiting distant cousins on my dad's side. My grandmother (Mor-Mor, although she's technically my Far-Mor) is a first generation American, and her parents immigrated from Denmark in Sweden. I actually visited a third cousin on the Danish side briefly in Copenhagen after leaving Germany in May, and this time around I visited (a grant total of fourteen) relatives on the Swedish side (including my Mor-Mor's last living cousin, Sven, and his wife Mai. And yes, they are as adorable as people named Sven and Mai sound like they would be). There's been a lot of contact between our branch of the family and theirs, so it was nice to get my turn in.
I got to experience a few days on the Atlantic coast in a little fishing village called Bovallstrand, as well as take a day to enjoy a boat tour of Gothenburg (or Göteborg, if you will). Their idea of good weather is anything above 70 degrees and not raining, and with the exception of only a couple of days, I was lucky enough to encounter good weather. I went a little nuts while there, though, because I decided to try and make an accurate family tree, get everyone's information, and I even made a google map of all the relatives in the US (should any of them decide to come to the US, they can practically pick a State in the East or West - not so much middle - and find some "family" to stay with). I asked my dad how I got into this mess, and he appropriately reminded me that "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Thanks, Mom :)
Present
I had a wonderful time traveling, but every time I was away I kept wanting to get back to Villanova to be with my guest family. When I got back from Sweden, I arrived home to find all four boys and all three dogs outside awaiting my return. I had been feeling a little nervous, that maybe it was strange for them that I had been gone for so long (a week) and would be leaving for good soon... but they were all just happy to see me. I cannot even begin to describe how that made me feel.
Yesterday I made my family's beloved M&M cookie recipe, and although I had to use all butter (instead of half butter, half shortening) they still tasted great and are already gone today. While in Sweden I bought maple syrup, since I couldn't find any here, so this morning I made French Toast... and the kids liked it!! HURRAY! I didn't plan on them eating very much, after their astonishing reaction to pancakes, but Neno and Marco each ate two, Dimitry one, and Luca ate a half (hey, better than nothing). Cristina's brother, Paulo (Popy) had asked me way back when if I would make French Toast, so it was also nice that he was here today to partake with us :) I also bought lemons, and will make lemonade in the next day or two.
Future
As anticipated as the post-high school "Where are you going to college" and as feared as the post-wedding "When are you going to have kids," I am repeatedly approached with the infamous post-Superbowl question, "What are you going to do next?"
The answer?
Well I can't afford to go to Disney World, that's for sure.
After having a internal and external only-to-one-or-two-people debate about whether to return to and stay in Boise, or to try Portland State University on for size, I have decided to do what my conscience, and my pocketbook, have advized me to do: stay in Boise.
There are several elements I took into consideration, but frankly I just can't afford to try something new for a while. I plan to live at home (until I can afford not to) and go to BSU to get another Bachelors degree in Elementary Education. This isn't exactly what I anticipated, but it's what I think I need to do. I was hoping for a Masters (one BA seemed like enough), but not only does Boise State not have a Masters in Elementary Education, but there are several prerequisite courses I would have to take beforehand to even qualify for such a thing. If, afterwards, I decide that I still want a Masters, I can always go to Portland.
I think my fear is that once I return to Boise, I will get too comfortable to ever do anything new or adventurous again. That's why I came to Europe right after college- do it now, before I have any ties that bind. However, the only person standing in the way of me moving in a few years time (should I choose to do so) is me. If I'm afraid of never taking any new risks again, then I have to make myself do it. I can't be responsible for what other people do, but I can be responsible for my own decisions.
I just need to have enough faith in myself to realize that being back in Boise doesn't mean I'm giving up on the new things life has to offer, or that I'm done seeing what there is of the world. On the contrary, Boise is going to be an entirely different world when I return because I'm different. Boise should be a safe haven, full of the familiar and comfortable... but I'm different than I was when Boise was all of those things. I'm different now than when I graduated from high school, and after I graduated from college, and after I spent a year abroad. I don't have very many friends still living in Boise, and I'm going to have to start almost from scratch. I'm going to have to put myself out there in class, in work, and even in church. If I don't want to live like I never left, then I'm going to have to explore Boise in a new way and allow myself to be vulernable to making new friends.
This, of course, is very scary... but I know I can handle it. There are a couple of quotes I like to throw around in such tangents, for instance "God never gives me more than I can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much" (Mother Theresa, I think) and "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (last verse of Matthew 6- possibly my new life motto). I know that God will be there for me, and he will lead me down the right path... all I have to do is fix my eyes on him and go through the doors he opens for me. Just pray I find the doors instead of running into the wall...
For the record, there are many things that make me very excited about coming home to Boise, including but not limited to:
-being close to my family
-getting involved in at First Baptist
-whitewater rafting
-getting a PROPER haircut
-Shane Maxey whipping my sorry butt into shape
-an (up until now) secret but strong desire to reignite the Camp Crescendo fire
So don't be under the impression that I will return to Boise with an unhappy or heavy heart... because to be honest, I think it's a bit of a relief. Besides- if I didn't want to, I wouldn't.
So here's a parting round of prayer requests:
-That I trust in God and follow him through the doors he opens.
-That I will be able to find a job once back in Boise.
-That I will be able to afford to move out of my parent's house within the year, ideally within six months. I don't think anybody can deny the mental and emotional benefits of a independent 23 year old NOT living at home.
-That I will be able to get health insurance that covers my basic needs, and not just first time or emergency situations.
-That God will give me the confidence to make new friends.
Part of the home terf advantage is that there are hopefully some connections to be made out there... so if you happen to be reading my blog, and are a merciful soul who might be able to help me in any of the aforementioned ways, please do let me know.
Also, I'm available for babysitting as of August 28th. Spread the word.
Alles liebe,
~Julia~
PS- I started to post two days ago, but got distracted trying to find a video of GOB from Arrested Development doing his opening dance number and spent several hours afterwards lost in the wonderful world of youtube.
PPS- if you don't know or haven't seen Arrested Development, do yourself a favor- watch it.
Here we are, kids- only 19 days until I leave Italy and return home. I feel so stupid for only having posted TWICE in the last two months, but it would appear that I've just too much to do. So, for old times' sake, here is a bullet point update:
Past
-Rome and Florence were good, but HOT. We were in the middle of receiving a high pressure front from Africa, which meant that there was almost no relief from heat for a couple of weeks. You could sleep in your underwear without any covers and still have trouble getting to sleep from the heat. However, I did have a great time and was very glad to see two of Italy's most famous cities.
-While in Rome, I had to stand in line twice for St. Peter's Basilica (I was inappropriately dressed- tank tops are too revealing, even if it's 95 degrees and humid, so I went back with a scarf the next day) and waited in significant lines for both the Vatican Museum and the Colosseum. We stayed with our neighbors here in Villanova who live part-time in Rome, so it was nice to see a little bit of "normal" Roman life, as well :)
-In Florence, I made friends with a few girls in my hostel room and spent most of my time with a girl from Norway and a girl from New Zealand. I had been told that Florence was very small, but I was surprised to discover how truly tiny it really is. I saw all three David statues (the original, the duplicate standing in its original outdoor place, and the bronze triplicate overlooking the city). I managed to sneek two pictures of the original, despite the Camera Nazis running around saying "NO CAMERAS!" followed by bitter Italian mutterings under their breath.
-I went to Milan for two days and stayed with Cristina's cousin's daughter (first cousin once removed, if you will) who is my age. We went out with some of her friends the first night, and I bought a cocktail that cost me €10... which I of course didn't realize until after I received it. There aren't too many sites to see when you discount Prada, Gucci, and other super-mega design name stores, so one day was more than enough to see it.
-I spent a week in Sweden visiting distant cousins on my dad's side. My grandmother (Mor-Mor, although she's technically my Far-Mor) is a first generation American, and her parents immigrated from Denmark in Sweden. I actually visited a third cousin on the Danish side briefly in Copenhagen after leaving Germany in May, and this time around I visited (a grant total of fourteen) relatives on the Swedish side (including my Mor-Mor's last living cousin, Sven, and his wife Mai. And yes, they are as adorable as people named Sven and Mai sound like they would be). There's been a lot of contact between our branch of the family and theirs, so it was nice to get my turn in.
I got to experience a few days on the Atlantic coast in a little fishing village called Bovallstrand, as well as take a day to enjoy a boat tour of Gothenburg (or Göteborg, if you will). Their idea of good weather is anything above 70 degrees and not raining, and with the exception of only a couple of days, I was lucky enough to encounter good weather. I went a little nuts while there, though, because I decided to try and make an accurate family tree, get everyone's information, and I even made a google map of all the relatives in the US (should any of them decide to come to the US, they can practically pick a State in the East or West - not so much middle - and find some "family" to stay with). I asked my dad how I got into this mess, and he appropriately reminded me that "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Thanks, Mom :)
Present
I had a wonderful time traveling, but every time I was away I kept wanting to get back to Villanova to be with my guest family. When I got back from Sweden, I arrived home to find all four boys and all three dogs outside awaiting my return. I had been feeling a little nervous, that maybe it was strange for them that I had been gone for so long (a week) and would be leaving for good soon... but they were all just happy to see me. I cannot even begin to describe how that made me feel.
Yesterday I made my family's beloved M&M cookie recipe, and although I had to use all butter (instead of half butter, half shortening) they still tasted great and are already gone today. While in Sweden I bought maple syrup, since I couldn't find any here, so this morning I made French Toast... and the kids liked it!! HURRAY! I didn't plan on them eating very much, after their astonishing reaction to pancakes, but Neno and Marco each ate two, Dimitry one, and Luca ate a half (hey, better than nothing). Cristina's brother, Paulo (Popy) had asked me way back when if I would make French Toast, so it was also nice that he was here today to partake with us :) I also bought lemons, and will make lemonade in the next day or two.
Future
As anticipated as the post-high school "Where are you going to college" and as feared as the post-wedding "When are you going to have kids," I am repeatedly approached with the infamous post-Superbowl question, "What are you going to do next?"
The answer?
Well I can't afford to go to Disney World, that's for sure.
After having a internal and external only-to-one-or-two-people debate about whether to return to and stay in Boise, or to try Portland State University on for size, I have decided to do what my conscience, and my pocketbook, have advized me to do: stay in Boise.
There are several elements I took into consideration, but frankly I just can't afford to try something new for a while. I plan to live at home (until I can afford not to) and go to BSU to get another Bachelors degree in Elementary Education. This isn't exactly what I anticipated, but it's what I think I need to do. I was hoping for a Masters (one BA seemed like enough), but not only does Boise State not have a Masters in Elementary Education, but there are several prerequisite courses I would have to take beforehand to even qualify for such a thing. If, afterwards, I decide that I still want a Masters, I can always go to Portland.
I think my fear is that once I return to Boise, I will get too comfortable to ever do anything new or adventurous again. That's why I came to Europe right after college- do it now, before I have any ties that bind. However, the only person standing in the way of me moving in a few years time (should I choose to do so) is me. If I'm afraid of never taking any new risks again, then I have to make myself do it. I can't be responsible for what other people do, but I can be responsible for my own decisions.
I just need to have enough faith in myself to realize that being back in Boise doesn't mean I'm giving up on the new things life has to offer, or that I'm done seeing what there is of the world. On the contrary, Boise is going to be an entirely different world when I return because I'm different. Boise should be a safe haven, full of the familiar and comfortable... but I'm different than I was when Boise was all of those things. I'm different now than when I graduated from high school, and after I graduated from college, and after I spent a year abroad. I don't have very many friends still living in Boise, and I'm going to have to start almost from scratch. I'm going to have to put myself out there in class, in work, and even in church. If I don't want to live like I never left, then I'm going to have to explore Boise in a new way and allow myself to be vulernable to making new friends.
This, of course, is very scary... but I know I can handle it. There are a couple of quotes I like to throw around in such tangents, for instance "God never gives me more than I can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much" (Mother Theresa, I think) and "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (last verse of Matthew 6- possibly my new life motto). I know that God will be there for me, and he will lead me down the right path... all I have to do is fix my eyes on him and go through the doors he opens for me. Just pray I find the doors instead of running into the wall...
For the record, there are many things that make me very excited about coming home to Boise, including but not limited to:
-being close to my family
-getting involved in at First Baptist
-whitewater rafting
-getting a PROPER haircut
-Shane Maxey whipping my sorry butt into shape
-an (up until now) secret but strong desire to reignite the Camp Crescendo fire
So don't be under the impression that I will return to Boise with an unhappy or heavy heart... because to be honest, I think it's a bit of a relief. Besides- if I didn't want to, I wouldn't.
So here's a parting round of prayer requests:
-That I trust in God and follow him through the doors he opens.
-That I will be able to find a job once back in Boise.
-That I will be able to afford to move out of my parent's house within the year, ideally within six months. I don't think anybody can deny the mental and emotional benefits of a independent 23 year old NOT living at home.
-That I will be able to get health insurance that covers my basic needs, and not just first time or emergency situations.
-That God will give me the confidence to make new friends.
Part of the home terf advantage is that there are hopefully some connections to be made out there... so if you happen to be reading my blog, and are a merciful soul who might be able to help me in any of the aforementioned ways, please do let me know.
Also, I'm available for babysitting as of August 28th. Spread the word.
Alles liebe,
~Julia~
PS- I started to post two days ago, but got distracted trying to find a video of GOB from Arrested Development doing his opening dance number and spent several hours afterwards lost in the wonderful world of youtube.
PPS- if you don't know or haven't seen Arrested Development, do yourself a favor- watch it.
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