Here's the newest update:
I have chosen a new host family. They are a family of four with parents Hanno and Doris, and the two kids Jakob (2.5) and Linus (8 mos.) In retrospect, a tad frightening as that is two, count 'em TWO little kids in diapers AND, they're both boys. Due in large part to the Aspaas family, I have extensive experience with wee girls... but Simon is the youngest boy I've ever looked after, and praise be to God he's potty trained... does potty training sound like an inappropriate term for a human to anyone else? Anyway...
The main reason for choosing this family is because they are in the town of Berne, which is only about 30 minutes away by car from Oldenburg. This means that:
-I can continue to go to the same church
-I can continue to sing in the church choir
-I can continue to see the kids every once in a while!
-I can continue to hang out with the friends I've made here. Less often, but I won't have to start from scratch in the friend department.
Other important points include:
-I will have the use of a car
-I will have a slightly larger room and sole use of a bathroom
-I will have more flexibility to travel
-I will have NO HOUSEHOLD CHORES (except for the standard dishes, helping set the table, cleaning my room, etc)
I will only be with the family until May when they will receive another Au Pair from Texas. However, they HAVE offered to let me leave my stuff there so I can take some time to travel around Europe! This means that I should be home sometime around mid to late June- just in time for a full circle family Fourth of July ;)
My current (but not for long!) host family was gone this past weekend to Hamburg, but before they left we agreed that for as long as I would be with them in January, it would be for the best if I stayed as a guest- receiving no money and no corresponding chores. However, they seemed to think it best if they got their money's worth for December, so on the night of the 30th I came home to a list of chores they had out for me. Just the weekly chores (vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the bathroom, ironing, folding the wash)... but they left it for me to do with only ONE day left in December. I was (and frankly still am) so frustrated, angry, and offended that they would leave me two days worth of chores to do on New Year's Eve. Either they figured a couple hours of chores wasn't too much to ask on a holiday, even if they were gone, or that it wouldn't be a big deal for me to do some housework in January, unpaid. I debated for three days on whether or not to do the chores, including lots of crying and talking to my dad. My dad, however, was doing his job and led me in the Godly direction, and not in the petulant immature angry child direction... so in the end, I did the chores (even if there were a few angry grunts here and there). But for clarification purposes, it wasn't the contents of the list that made me angry, it's that they expected it of me after they had said that I would be living with them as a non-working guest for the rest of my time. I guess they wanted their money's worth while I was still on their dime.
Yesterday when they got back, both of the kids were really excited to see me. Sara has told me that she loves me several times, and that she's sad that I'm leaving. Simon has also said on several occasions that he likes me a lot ("Ich mag dich ganz gern") but last night was the first time he said he loved me. I said I loved him, too, and asked for a kiss... which he of course refused so I had to fight for it, but after some teasing and tickling I got my kiss :)
Tonight at dinner Frank and Esther asked me if I wanted to do something, and I said no. On the one hand, they don't know how angry I felt at them for leaving me a list of chores... but on the other, I AM hurt and upset, and I don't want to be around them more than I have to. As pointed out by my wise father, the best thing for me to do would be to try to reestablish a pleasant relationship with them... but DANG IT sometimes the right thing is HARD. We have pleasantries, and although I told them tonight that it's still difficult for me to live here, I did my best to participate in small talk, plus I helped set and clear the table. I'm not trying to be rude, but I also don't have the energy to go out of my way to be personal anymore. I also don't want to tell them how I feel, because the LAST thing I want is another serious conversation... I just want to keep my head down and power through.
Thankfully, the light at the end of the tunnel isn't far off- I spoke with Hanno (new host dad) and I will get to move in with them on WEDNESDAY!! I know that's really soon, but as far as I can see, the sooner the better. He offered to get me tomorrow, but I figured it would be for the best if I had one more day to say goodbye to the kids. Even if I feel like running out of here, I don't exactly want to give out that impression. My goal is to remain respectful, and not make things any worse than they already are.
SO- I have officially updated you (in bits and pieces) of what my life looks like right now. I would just like to say that it means so much to me to have the support of my friends and family. I know it seems cheesy and cliche, but it really is true. I also know that, despite everything, God has still been here for me. Shane Maxey once said (a long, LONG time ago when they first came to First Baptist) that "God makes you, breaks you, and puts you back together again." I've definitely been broken before, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If it hadn't been for all of the difficult things I've already dealt with in my life, I would be a hopeless wreck right now. Somehow, I have come out the other side stronger.
I started reading a daily devotional while I've been here, and although I started it in November and I'm only on day 6, I've still taken away a few gems, including this one: "You do not know what you are going to do; the only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing." Well I sure don't know what I'm doing, but I'm willing to have the faith that God does.
I know I'm not the only one dealing with life right now. If there's anybody who needs a word of encouragement, I hope this helps you as much as it helped me:
"Do Not Worry
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:25-34
Alles liebe,
~Julia~
No comments:
Post a Comment